Stages of loneliness...Which one are you?

In life we do not realize that as we get older, our kids grow up, and we work hard each day that many things change. That includes our feelings about certain topics and relationship with people we encounter everyday.

I find myself at age 38 feeling alone, being alone, and just being plain lonely these days and sometimes I do not understand it all. At this time I am blessed with a job, a college child, and someone who loves me yet I feel a little more empty each day. Who am I? Why did I waste so many years putting others need above my own? Do people look at me as a complete failure? What do I do now?

So many questions and so little answers at this time!

What gets me is many women feel the way I do but is so scared to open up and say it. It has become a stigma to be open and transparent in our lives, social media, and with the people who "allegedly" care about you. When you express yourself people call it being weak and folks will prey on you being vulnerability. Or someone will use your honesty against you to chastise how you feel. To eradicate the notion that you are just expressing your uniquely beautiful self you have to hold everything in and pray that they will leave you alone and move on. Many women go through this but is too scared to open up. I am not one of those women!

Let's face facts!!!
I am always in someones conversation even when I am not in the room or even more so on the property. I am extremely transparent because I have spend too many years being quiet and holding all my emotions in. Many tell me that this will be used against me in future endeavors and sometimes I wish they would so I can continue to share and speak up for those who is too scared to do so.

For me, if I touch and inspire one person a day to be real in all facets then my daily job is done. What I am learning that the only acceptance I need is God! I have spent too many years caring about how people see me!
Yes I am broken! Yes I am not perfect in any capacity! Yes I need work! But who doesn't?

I get tired of seeing people live like they have it all but one jump away from snapping. Who wants to live their life that way so others wont know...( Not this one!) Please remove the veil of ignorance!
In this thing we call life we are craving authenticity and realness!We have been taught that being fake and phony is the new norm! It is shown in reality television, social media, magazines, and so many other places the new generation think this is the way to go. No one wants to work hard, keep God as a continuous fixture in the home, let things happen when it is meant for you, and just rush the process.

Lets break that wall down!!!

Sad & Angry people....Are they really sad or a freaking joke?

As I have grown I have learned that everyone that crosses your path is not meant to be in it forever! As a person who loves hard, gives hard, ride or die for life, and so much more this concept was hard for me to understand because I was always taught that if you be the best you can be it will come back to you.       

I sometimes wonder...

Why do people feel like they are better than you? Why do folks tend to think they know you?
The funny part is everyone has issues but... because they look down on you its makes them feel better and not confront their own existence.

Hell nawl folks.....Hell No!

For the past couple of months I have been attempting to see the great in people but everyday I am fighting a loosing battle with this concept.I grew up in the church and I was taught that no matter what happens in your life you are love.
If feels like everyone who started out being your cheerleader has become your enemy. Someone who chose to not be woman or man enough to say the shit in my face is freaking joke. I have never understood that freaking concept either. If you don't like me then act like you never met me and do not mention my name. Instead you want to talk snack and speak out of line when it comes to me and my life.
I have news for a lot of you....I AM NOT FREAKING SLOW!

I know you speak negatively about me, I know you are waiting for my demise, I know you do not have a freaking life of your own so you choose to come for mines, I know you did not think I would amount to anything but an teenage mother, maybe on drugs, with a ton of bad ass kids, no future, single and whoring in these streets, never advancing in my drag career, always staying fat so you can shame me and so much more....SORRY PEEPS!!!! I am so much better than that!!!

I was someone before I became a mother...I was someone before I became Anastasia Love, I was someone before I won a national title, I was someone walking in fashion shows, booking commercials and movies, I was someone when you needed me, I was someone that when I didn't have a dime to my name and I freaking helped you through, I was someone when you didn't have a place to stay, your man was whooping your ass and I risked my life to save you and your kids, and
I was someone when I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and starting working out..

I will ALWAYS be someone!!!! I am MORE than a conquer!!!

Lets be honest many people will read this and feel like I am talking about certain people.

If you want to grasp on to that then...Do You!! If that helps you stir up drama that I want no parts of!

But remember....you are not the only person in my life I have had to ignore, confront, and say something about. I have had these issues before you and they will continue as long as I am trying everyday to thrive and get better.

I write, express myself in my blogs, and pray to keep from whooping some folks--REAL TALK!

Hmmmm ...Now your in your feelings and posting cryptic messages on social media....then stop talking about me and everyone else for that matter! Let this madness stop for once! Find the joy in your life and roll with that. Everyone is on a different income bracket, job level, drag level, career level, school level, marital level, and lifestyle level...STOP JUDGING FOLKS!

All I want is joy and happiness and with the way people are leaving here this is the wrong time to hold on to drama! Let it go! If you do not talk to me ever again..I accept that but please know this is not the end for me. I will continue to wish you many blessings even if you spite me, I will continue to attempt to be the tanesha I can be, and I will continue to pray to my God for covering over your life. I refuse to go down because I am holding on to what you did to me!

In closing...I forgive you!

Drag...A real perspective...From ME!!!

Greetings and salutations to all of you!!

Welcome back to my blog! I don't get a chance to blog as much as I would like but here goes....

Well since I gave up my title it has been its slow motion lately. Which I am okay with because in the crazy world called drag anything can happen! Would I like to be booked more...ABSOLUTELY! 

So its been an interesting ride for me and so much happened in my life in 2017 that I didn't realize how freaking busy I really was until I slowed down.

I will have to admit that after I stepped down from American National Star I felt a ton of pressure to get right into the pageant swing of things. I was receiving emails, direct messages, phone calls, and so much more and it really got to me. Pageants are super expensive and to those that can do it every month or every weekend..(MY HAT IS OFF TO YOU!)

Everyone wants to do pageants and win the crown but no one wants to do the work in to truly reign. I see how people will do a pageant one weekend but the next month the phone is off, lights off, no food, and barely a place to stay. After seeing all of this I made myself a promise that would NOT be me!

Because of that...I have made the decision not to compete for any pageant this year! I want to be able to afford everything on my own without no assistance. And if i was to have a benefit it would be extra not the majority of my package! Yes, I have been scouting some pageant systems ..if the financing is right you might see me! ( So step your pussy game up...I might be coming!!!) The key word is MIGHT...lmao

What I have learned about this thing called drag is...ITS SO DIFFERENT! You do shows, benefits, and stand up for things you believe in and stand firm in. And when people take things out of context you get a huge target on your back and before you know it....You cannot book nothing!

Its interesting that one minute your in...the next minute your out!

People have things to say about you and you even mess with that like that! I used to wonder why people have things to say about me and what I am doing. So glad I got over that mess! So glad I grew up!

But I am so grateful that I have a strong team and a very outspoken mommie that keeps me in check. I would have fallen for the bull sugar if it was not for her guidance and her hand on my career! I have learned it is okay not to retaliate back when things are said.

If its not affecting the bag...I am good! 

Wishing all my haters blessings and pray you find God and fix your issues!

If I could give any new entertainers it would be...Be build ford tough because the world will chew you up and spit you out. Do not drink on your show nights,keep your money near you at all time or find somewhere to hide it ( everybody is not honest!), cherish the real friends and relationship dearly!

It happens to each performer differently so I can only speak for me! 

Do you feel like your doing things solo?

In life we feel like we have family and friends that will carry us into the next level in our lives but in reality we are doing things solo.

When you think people love and care for you that ride with you...your doing things solo.

When the world gets real cold and your heart turns cold with it...your doing things solo

Late in the midnight hour and your in a dark place...you would think someone would help you out..your doing things solo...

I disagree...your walking into strength, determination, drive, love, hope, perseverance, independence, and motivation...

Your depending on God and God alone...
Your learning that everyone that smiles in your face doesn't really want you to be great!

Get Up!!!! Take the bull by the horn and MOVE!!!!

I tell you these things because this was me a few months ago!! I got up and I am learning!!!

Happy Easter...Happy April...Love is life...Life is Love!

Working out..Its hard

Happy day party peoples!!!!

Here I come with the interesting dialog and gag worthy conversation piece.

Working out?????

Why they don't tell you that your body will become so sore that it would be super difficult to stay focused? Why don't they tell you that a weeks worth of healthy food costs more than some people buy a month?

For example...if your not eating healthy you can buy a weeks worth of foods for under 65 dollars if you budget well for a single person...100 for a family of three ( trust me I was doing this for years before I changed) and 150 for a family of five if your lucky.

Now I spend almost $200 dollars at the grocery store every two weeks...( With coupons!!!) without coupons it would be almost $300 dollars.

HOT MESS EXPRESS!

I say all of this to tell you to stay focused and keep going. If you can go drink at the bar, go out to each with your girlfriends, get your hair, nails, feet, and everything else done you can eat better and work out.  Not judging but I had to do a reality check as well!

Personally I have cut back a whole back to get healthier. My goal is to be half of my body weight by 40 years old. And I am 37 right now!!!

I'll keep you updated as I go through the up and downs of this thing called weight loss!!!

Xoxo....pintsizedivamodel

Happy New year!!!

Hello everyone!!!!

Happy New year and it's cold !!!!!!

So I  decided to do something I never do...i stayed my behind at the house for New Years!!!!

So I am attempting to be a more positive in my space I'm trying 365 days of positive speaking. One of you peeps pray for me!

I've been going to the gym five days a week for a month and Jesus Christ it has been a journey. I'm working with a trainer and I have learned I work harder than I thought.

So here is how my life goes...
Monday and wednesday... zumba &cardio
Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturdays...
Swim training and leg workouts!

Fridays...train at home
Sundays...im off

The goal is to be half of my body weight by 40 years old. And I am 37 now so you get the point. I will make a strong attempt to keep you updated.
Since I don't have any bookings I have a little more time to do so.

I'm going to end it here because I have class. Happy New year everyone and stay safe!