Reality.....sometimes it sucks

This will probably be the most honest I will ever be on my blog site so if you get offended please stop reading now....................

I had no idea once you turn 30 that your life sometimes comes full circle...( Somewhat!)

i have spent so much of my life pleasing others, staying stressed out, emotionally eating my life away and so much more that now I am paying for it.

Over the past couple of months I have seriously been going through an emotional roller coaster and I have been horrified to talk about it. I am in tears writing this!!!

But when i take a step back how can I be a blessing to someone else and say i want to inspire others and don't share my own life with you. 

Well here goes...

I discovered a weird feeling in my left breast a couple of weeks ago. The first thing i did was went blank! I didn't know what to say or feel so i did what most women tend to do first...IGNORED IT!

Not recommended by the way....but I did it!

But after several conversations, prayer, lots of tears ( And i cry a lot!!!) , and after speaking with my daughter i decided to make a call to go get checked. I do not want anyone to have "A cry for me Argentina moment" for me cause I beat myself up every moment of the day..

I feel so alone but there are so many women that face this every day.

But i think i will be okay...

If i can leave anything with women and young girls...

Please get checked and take care of yourself!!! I wish i would have done it sooner now I'm super depressed cause i feel so alone.

Forgive me if i don't call, text, come out or even get online because i refuse to bring my tears and mini depression on others. 

I thank god that I came to my senses. Like i always say...make a difference in the world and inspire others in your life cause you never know...

The emotional and physical struggle begins......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One love.....Tanesha

Separation.....

As a mother I never thought that I would be in the position I am in now. I DO NOT HAVE A LIFE!

For years I have always put my daughter’s needs in front of my own. Giving up college so I can be more attentive to her well being, changing a secure job so I can be home more and experience all the things I’ve missed, and going back to situation that’s not conducive to my life to give her structure. 

But as I sit here alone as she is on vacation I realize just how unaccomplished and dependent I am on my teenage child.

I know….I know you might clown me or have so many things to say but until you get to this place in your life….DONT JUDGE ME!

What I don’t get is….how did I get here?

I used to be the fun person…the girl everyone wanted to hang with and knew all the hot spots

I always lived my life after she was taken care of but over the past couple of years it’s like my life has stopped. Honestly every time I try to plan or do anything I get this sense of overwhelming gilt in my heart. I spend a lot of time crying now and looking back over my life. 

Sometimes I wish I would have continued to work three jobs so I would not have to think about the loneliness.

As you read this you might say since she is a teenager you can do more but I don’t feel that way. My thought is this is when they need you the most. Think about it!!

If you have a girl child… you got teenage sex, sneaking out, sexting, social media, self-masturbation, making sure she knows how to be her own woman and so much more.

If you have a boy child…. You got the stigmation of all black boys don’t amount to anything, gangs, the police (that’s another blog in itself), sex, completing school, and for the single moms making sure he knows he is loved in spite of.

With these things and so much more in mind it’s a lot of pressure

 I am curious…does this feeling ever go away? 

Spectrum.....the hidden hot spot

O..M...G...

If you have not been to Club Spectrum Memphis then you have truly been missing something.

From the all star drag show on Saturday nights, the open floor night on Fridays, to the super turned up atmosphere it is everything you can ask for. You feel welcome no matter which way your mind runs!

The performers are amazing!!!
Jade Porchett - Stunningly beautiful and show stopper
Freak Nasty - raw, surprising, and lovely
Iris Lefluer - just true a true diva!
Demonica Santangilo -An amazing dancer and will draw you in instantly!!
Jr.Stone - the host of all hosts....overthetop.com in a good way
Alaska Casadine - such a class act and so much more!!!
Aubrey Boom Boom - super nice, amazing performer, and approachable
Will Rider - The crowd favorite
The owner... Stephanie is super humble, eager to talk to, and will shake your hand and take pictures

The drinks are super good and on Saturday nights its this cute sexy guy in underwear walking around selling shots and....HE IS CUTE!!! Lol


What i like the most about Club Spectrum is that you don't have to run for your life due to ghetto fights and hot mess people. Everyone just do them and love to have fun! I personally recommend you come and see why I chose to patronize their business and get messed up!

I have added some hot pics from the many times I have been there and will continue to go back.

Major photography credit to Jack Rock Photography!!! ( Your so professional and an all around amazing person!!)

Follow them on all social media outlets:

Instagram and Twitter: SpectrumMemphis
Facebook: Spectrum Memphis or Memphis Marshall
Website: www.spectrumdanceclub.com
Jack Rock Photography on Facebook

Sometimes I wonder

Has anyone really considered how they live their lives
lately. I do!!

Thats why I took time away! Please know that the day you start becoming comfortable is when you will NEVER grow. That is exactly what happened to me.

In my darkest hour,in comfort zone, in the peak of what I thought was great it all fell apart and came crashing down on me.
I always pride myself on being real and true....
And I will continue to so do..

Im back....back to work, back to the grind, back to what I love...

Modeling,writing,working harder, and loving me!

Take my advice...
Balance your life and pray daily before god shows you how runs it!!!